събота, 4 февруари 2012 г.

A freedom meter?

I'm not exactly sure how a simple conversation about are we doing a show or not turns into an analysis of my freedom. However I am sure it was a pretty lame one as it led to the conclusion I am 'chained'. If I gotta outline the background without going too much into details it was a talk about choices, priorities, the resulting emotions and every other possible outcome or income. I was able to look through the conversation again because it took place online (how cool is that) and was still not able to get the idea.

So at the bottom as usual is money. And the main point is how to structure the remaining pillars of your life. Assuming you are good at something (you believe you are good at something) and you decide to commit a part of your time to it. So now you have a hobby. At a point you reach a state when you witness let's say appreciation, interest or/and feedback towards your hobby from a third party. But you keep going the same old way. You don't want to spoil emotions and joy of a hobby by dedicating more time to it. The magic will disappear because you will HAVE to do it, you will be 'chained'. Or you are just scared you are not good enough? Then aren't you chained again to something far more inappropriate? I'd rather dare to choose my own chain. I am being way too figurative I know, I am not even pissed because someone tried to measure my freedom especially considering the fact he's not aware of his own.

Already 03:15 am and I entered far distant depths I can reach with my current need for sleep. A bit of what the fck for a first post, still I don't care. Let's say five years ago when I started my first blog (long time ago deleted and stored somewhere on my hdd) I wrote all the introductory stuff that is necessary to enter the world of blogging. I don't care anymore to introduce myself if you do google stuff.
I remember this night few weeks ago. It was January 21 and it was a Friday of a pretty busy week. I went to see the premiere of a play I contributed music to, I enjoyed it a lot, the audience also enjoyed it, all summed up - me satisfied. I spent some time with all the people who made the play happen, didn't go to party with them but decided to walk home. I usually remember such nights in extreme details (e.g. what music I was listening to, did I walk or took a bus). From this night I remember two things - a half passed walkway and the thought that I am free to do whatever I want and I am actually doing it.
// really into: catherine wheel - ursa major space station

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