Not an excuse

The state of my brain after a harsh conversation, w/ someone I care about but hardly share any life philosophy with, is almost the same as the noise in my ears after a great show. That feeling of your shaken thoughts and emotions slowly and comfortably arranging in the same order they are supposed to be. After spending an hour or so covering a large variety of topics and subtopics (discussed almost subconsciously mostly in my head) from human cruelty, selfishness, beliefs, ideology and family norms one more time I am more than comfortable w/ everything that's going on in my head. I am not the social type of humyn but oh boy I do love observing. I am not a philanthropist but I find humyns inspiring in many ways. But not inspiration in that global sense, more like that kind of inspiration that can be put in 'what I should not be'.

'I just want to be a better man'

I've never explained the name of this blog. And it should not be a surprise it is a story tightly connected w/ music. Every each of us has some time on this Earth and I happen to know a person who sat down somewhere, at a specific point of his life, took a pen and wrote that nine simple words. He then sat in a car w/ me for half a day, we talked, we travelled, we saw places most of you haven't and will maybe never will. And he sang those words over the music the remaining 4 people in that very car played.

I mentioned that state of my thoughts and ideas arranged perfectly. But do you know what is better than the sense that you are comfortable w/ your way of thinking? To find something new that will make you even more satisfied w/ everything that's going on in your head. And these words did make me more accomplished.

'Being yourself is not an excuse for your actions'

Same person same background story. These words I've been chewing in my head for the last month and a half. This night in the context of the conversation they came to me again. And that tiny part of me who has been finding them difficult to swallow and accept until now finally gave up. Humyns are an inspiration and now I new thing inside of me to challenge. Soon.

// really into (all day long): wormrot - fix your broken mind

Music pirates have been castrated

I don't know why we should give a damn about ACTA or SOPA considering the fact there are pretty much no music pirates left. I spend the last few days trying to spread as much as possible the debut album of my let's say oldest band. It was released back in 2010 and we decided to keep it oldschool, selling copies only on shows and few stores in Sofia, Bulgaria (which I am pretty sure didn't sell a copy). When we released it, we were reviewed on the only two printed music magazines in Bulgaria, we made a cool promo show and from 100 copies printed we have around 20 now. In few months time we're about to record again and I decided to put the album on Bandcamp, set a 3€ price and get in touch with as many ezines as possible. And I did, a lot of people heard the album for a first time. Yes I consider uploading it so late a mistake you just cannot survive if you are not online. And if I were doing it for the sake of being 'oldschool' I guess I won't be writing this.

The Bulgarian online space is not a vast one. Few days passed and all important places were covered, the five song album hits over 1000 plays for less than 2 days and I decide to contact the beloved international blogs for sharing music.

"Our blog has the sole purpose of providing everyone with links to metal albums of all sorts."

Such statements are placed on most of them and I think, okay I am not uploading my album but sharing a Bandcamp link which contains the whole release for a ridiculous download price it's a way to provide everyone with a link to metal album, right? So far I am getting mails saying "Only mediafire links". Well this is pretty much not gonna happen because I really don't like the feeling of pissing in my own mouth. Once it was the coolest thing ever to find an album, to enjoy it and find it for free, then to share it with as many people as possible. Yeah you steal from the band, but in the same time you are working for them. Now music pirates don't have the balls to steal from you, all they do is make you commit a suicide. So SOPA or ACTA please don't bother signing anything because pirates have officially been castrated.

And for anyone that gives a damn here's a link not on mediafire but on Bandcamp, you can hear the album. Maybe is not that good to be stolen.

// currently into: ulaan khool - la catacomb

A freedom meter?

I'm not exactly sure how a simple conversation about are we doing a show or not turns into an analysis of my freedom. However I am sure it was a pretty lame one as it led to the conclusion I am 'chained'. If I gotta outline the background without going too much into details it was a talk about choices, priorities, the resulting emotions and every other possible outcome or income. I was able to look through the conversation again because it took place online (how cool is that) and was still not able to get the idea.

So at the bottom as usual is money. And the main point is how to structure the remaining pillars of your life. Assuming you are good at something (you believe you are good at something) and you decide to commit a part of your time to it. So now you have a hobby. At a point you reach a state when you witness let's say appreciation, interest or/and feedback towards your hobby from a third party. But you keep going the same old way. You don't want to spoil emotions and joy of a hobby by dedicating more time to it. The magic will disappear because you will HAVE to do it, you will be 'chained'. Or you are just scared you are not good enough? Then aren't you chained again to something far more inappropriate? I'd rather dare to choose my own chain. I am being way too figurative I know, I am not even pissed because someone tried to measure my freedom especially considering the fact he's not aware of his own.

Already 03:15 am and I entered far distant depths I can reach with my current need for sleep. A bit of what the fck for a first post, still I don't care. Let's say five years ago when I started my first blog (long time ago deleted and stored somewhere on my hdd) I wrote all the introductory stuff that is necessary to enter the world of blogging. I don't care anymore to introduce myself if you do google stuff.

I remember this night few weeks ago. It was January 21 and it was a Friday of a pretty busy week. I went to see the premiere of a play I contributed music to, I enjoyed it a lot, the audience also enjoyed it, all summed up - me satisfied. I spent some time with all the people who made the play happen, didn't go to party with them but decided to walk home. I usually remember such nights in extreme details (e.g. what music I was listening to, did I walk or took a bus). From this night I remember two things - a half passed walkway and the thought that I am free to do whatever I want and I am actually doing it.

// really into: catherine wheel - ursa major space station